I AM OVERWHELMED.
There, I said it. It feels like such a shameful confession, because ultimately, some aspects of my RL overwhelmingness are not something that can be very much changed, as life is just like that at times, but online life certainly can be helped, which means I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF. And yes, I include having things I've gotten rid of still show up on my virtual doorstep, because I haven't said "no, bad" when it's happening.
For a while now I've logged on with this sense of obligation one place or another ("Need to do X and Y before bed!" "I'm three days late with a tag!") and I was even keeping AIM on recently while I was getting over being sick, even though I was at least smart enough to be laying down, because. Well, because I suck, basically.
I didn't turn on AIM yesterday (MA, Mega, v. sorry :/) and I didn't do more than a cursory browse of games and basically, I just talked to Dani and did our private RP because I can't remember the last time I took a day just doing that. That used to be the usual thing to do on her days off when they coincided with my days not running around doing errands and it was a nice break from everything because our RP has never felt like an obligation. Obligation is not bad, of course, it's normal when you commit to something, but right now, it's killing my creativity because I've over committed myself. It hasn't yet encroached on my personal life, such as not giving my child the attention she needs and deserves (and my husband, heh), and I'm making certain it doesn't by cutting back on my commitments, so I need to sort out where and how.
( AR/ACC )
( N )
( FT )
( PARA )
( PERS )
OTHER RP
It has to go and it cannot come back in any form. As fun as doing one-shot RP is, as much as I'd like to do some one-to-one PSL things, I'm driving myself crazy with this stuff.
And overall, nothing new. I need to stop letting the shiny distract me, picking up new things because I'm ignoring stuff I should just fix. So no matter how fabulous the game I see pimped, no matter how awesome a character idea I get is, no more.
Finally, drama that has nothing to do with me. From now on, I don't want to hear about it. I left the game I left recently to get away from the overwhelming levels of frustration behind the scenes. Continuing to tell me about things occurring there, from ongoing plots a character has to what new wankery that mod is up to, especially when it's vague to get me to ask, is not helping me. The people who need to see this I don't have friended, so I need to be honest when I'm IMed from now on, as mention of that game/that mod is giving me a bad taste in my mouth when I am trying to have fun.
... And I feel no better having written that all out. It's out of my head now, but it's depressing. >.<
NON-RP
Basically, I've stopped being as active on my LJ/IJ f-lists as I like because I'm logged in to various character journals or writing tags and I want to get back to to the good habits I was developing. I don't friend people just because of the initial shared thing that brought on the friending, I friend also to make connections. I have a lot of fun, interesting people on my f-lists and I want to get back to reading and commenting regularly as I had been doing until a month ago. Cutting back in what I am needing to accomplish creatively should fix this, I think.
... and where the hell are some of my icons?
ETA: I now know, but crap, it's most of my accounts. >.< *bangs head on desk*
There, I said it. It feels like such a shameful confession, because ultimately, some aspects of my RL overwhelmingness are not something that can be very much changed, as life is just like that at times, but online life certainly can be helped, which means I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF. And yes, I include having things I've gotten rid of still show up on my virtual doorstep, because I haven't said "no, bad" when it's happening.
For a while now I've logged on with this sense of obligation one place or another ("Need to do X and Y before bed!" "I'm three days late with a tag!") and I was even keeping AIM on recently while I was getting over being sick, even though I was at least smart enough to be laying down, because. Well, because I suck, basically.
I didn't turn on AIM yesterday (MA, Mega, v. sorry :/) and I didn't do more than a cursory browse of games and basically, I just talked to Dani and did our private RP because I can't remember the last time I took a day just doing that. That used to be the usual thing to do on her days off when they coincided with my days not running around doing errands and it was a nice break from everything because our RP has never felt like an obligation. Obligation is not bad, of course, it's normal when you commit to something, but right now, it's killing my creativity because I've over committed myself. It hasn't yet encroached on my personal life, such as not giving my child the attention she needs and deserves (and my husband, heh), and I'm making certain it doesn't by cutting back on my commitments, so I need to sort out where and how.
( AR/ACC )
( N )
( FT )
( PARA )
( PERS )
OTHER RP
It has to go and it cannot come back in any form. As fun as doing one-shot RP is, as much as I'd like to do some one-to-one PSL things, I'm driving myself crazy with this stuff.
And overall, nothing new. I need to stop letting the shiny distract me, picking up new things because I'm ignoring stuff I should just fix. So no matter how fabulous the game I see pimped, no matter how awesome a character idea I get is, no more.
Finally, drama that has nothing to do with me. From now on, I don't want to hear about it. I left the game I left recently to get away from the overwhelming levels of frustration behind the scenes. Continuing to tell me about things occurring there, from ongoing plots a character has to what new wankery that mod is up to, especially when it's vague to get me to ask, is not helping me. The people who need to see this I don't have friended, so I need to be honest when I'm IMed from now on, as mention of that game/that mod is giving me a bad taste in my mouth when I am trying to have fun.
... And I feel no better having written that all out. It's out of my head now, but it's depressing. >.<
NON-RP
Basically, I've stopped being as active on my LJ/IJ f-lists as I like because I'm logged in to various character journals or writing tags and I want to get back to to the good habits I was developing. I don't friend people just because of the initial shared thing that brought on the friending, I friend also to make connections. I have a lot of fun, interesting people on my f-lists and I want to get back to reading and commenting regularly as I had been doing until a month ago. Cutting back in what I am needing to accomplish creatively should fix this, I think.
... and where the hell are some of my icons?
ETA: I now know, but crap, it's most of my accounts. >.< *bangs head on desk*
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