I have seriously had the best two-ish days, RP-wise. There's really nothing like getting so many good characterizations into one game, so I'm super pleased with the HP game I stumbled onto, as my first RP-active day has already had some great stuff. MA, ILUBB <3 I'm really looking forward to SOMEONE GETTING HER BACKSIDE IN THE GAME *cough*Dani*cough* To be fair, though, she is done, I just proofed it, but it'll need to wait until tonight since she had to go to work.

Really, though, it has reminded me why I should at least try to use chat services sometimes without immediately caving to the panic. I've got a comfort zone there, at least, in knowing people and having a good rapport with them, so I don't feel nearly so lost and overwhelmed OOCly. And, honestly, as long as I'm doing what I need to manage it - not staying online when I need to be elsewhere, not try to do ten things at once, and definitely not stay up all night in group chats of DOOM - I can enjoy it. As my sleep schedule got a bit botched by the munchkin before I found this game, I know I've been doing good in spite of that and I'm determined to keep at it.

Also, MEGA! We need some kind of plot, I meant to suggest we throw around some ideas last night but we got distracted.

I also finished my new storyline posts for FT, so I'm hoping that gets me more plot there too. I love the plot I have, of course, but basically there you really can't have too much plot. I used to think it strange having multiple characters linked to multiple characters of another player, like it's some form of RP incest (SHUT UP, I've seen people say this before) but you go with what works in a game like that, because characters are so diverse. And it's about comfort level too, though everyone at FT is so completely fabulous. I'm still shaky about messaging first, but it's getting better.

And now, in the interest of tricking my body back into the right schedule so I can be a good girl and also get my groceries, I'm going back to take nap two, which should get me in bed at the right time tonight, neatly coinciding with the munchkin having settled into a normal schedule herself. SO WOOT.

*SNUGGLES YOU ALL*

ETA: TAGS EDIT PAGES WORKS, I LOVE YOU INSANEJOURNAL now fix the comment issue and we'll be great

Double post and on top of that, a long one which is, I know, the bane of LJ-type f-lists, but I needed a clear demarcation between the last post and this and I've tried to use cuts to be polite to those this comes up on an f-list for. I feel like it minimizes what I'm saying, in hiding it, or making people click it to read it if they want, but I hate huge posts on my f-list so I wouldn't do the same to you all.

And, haha, this is not one of this "I'M REALLY A MAN/WOMAN/TYPING ANIMAL" confessions, promise.

( in which I go on for a bit about my journal and f-list, which I suppose is the lead up, or just a tangent, who knows )

I think that the "bothers me so much" comes from journals being, to me, just as usable a format as a chat service, even more so as it's completely acceptable to not be at the computer all the time, whereas chatting with a group of people requires you to be there and, if a large number of people, your attention solely on that window to avoid missing things without needing to constantly scroll and rush to keep up. I use LJ/IJ as a means of connection and I'm not sitting on AIM also getting interaction, so lacking in my participation in the social circle of my LJ/IJ, or having people on my list who aren't there, bothers me as it's equivalent to being at a reception with table cards saying where people are sitting, but the room being half empty or me running in and out of the room without stopping to sit and chat a bit. Things like that bug me and, yes, it's no one's fault if I want them to be around in this way and instead they're around in another way like chat, but it's also something that, in the end, I can't go out and meet them where they live, so to speak.

I don't like chat services anymore. I do not. And it is here we get to the actual confession: I was once severely addicted to chat services, to the detriment of living my life.

I've wanted to write that in this journal so many times, but I didn't, because I censored myself and it was a vulnerable topic for me. I felt like a huge failure as a normal person because, for many months at the worst of it, it severely affected not only my non-online life, but my friendship with my best friend. I let that entire set-up distract me from being the friend I had been, allowed it to keep me from being the friend I'd like to think I am now, and I still hate myself for it. That time also had a lot of other things going on, stuff I allowed people to do to me over and over, things I did to other people to stay in what was essentially an abusive friendship, but those things? Were not and are not the point of this. I let it happen, because I had an addiction that I wouldn't acknowledge, a weakness of myself that I refused to control.

( in which I elaborate on my chat addiction )

I don't really know if it's the kind of thing you can cure. I think not, as most addictions don't have a cure, they are just managed. And I'm managing now, even if that managing makes me miss people I used to talk to because I don't IM them and leaves me out on the outer circles of things like RPG groups. I have a balance between recreation and life and it's worked for me for a long time now, and now I can finally talk about it.

So there it is.