Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

snaps cup meme;

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:26:37 GMT

Why, yes, I do think I could use a little love.

Get yours up there so I can love on you right back.

rpwrimo; still here;

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:15:37 GMT

IDEFK what my word count is at the moment because I spent last night and part of tonight dealing with drama and its fallout, which meant most of my time went to writing emails, rather than writing ACTUAL RP, and then the rest of tonight night was sucked up by my freaking computer going all buggy at me trying to upgrade the RAM. I thought the first time it did this it was a fluke, since RAM can't BE virusy, but damn if it didn't screw up my computer again. It's been properly scanned and cleaned, so all should hopefully be well again.

I hope Wednesday will be a better day for tags, since I'm going to do some now to unwind.

rpwrimo: day one;

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:12:55 GMT

YAY RPWRIMO!

I have two goals here - the 30,000 words goal that everyone doing rpwrimo is aiming for and my own personal goal of 50,000 words because I wanted a NaNo comparable word goal, even if this is the equivalent of two stories because it's two different game worlds (which doesn't count PSL or near-PSL).

→ I have the six (soon to be seven) characters that I regularly play. I don't know what goals will be met, but if I somehow meet both, I still intend to keep going, as the reason I wanted to do RPWriMo was to see just how much I typically do in logs/threads/narratives a month.

→ Since OpenOffice appears to be counting some of my HTML, I'm using www.wordcounttool.com for my official word count. I don't know if it's the favored online tool or anything, it just seems to be popular.

→ I've made a spreadsheet of all my characters and all their wordcounts (logs/threads/narratives as one section and everything else (any drabbbles, any backstory narratives that can't be posted to the games, etc) in the second section) to see what each individual character's counts are for the month. I think I may be taking this too far. :P

→ GOAL ONE: So far, managing the 1,000 doesn't seem to be anything more than what I would typically write in a day. Given that it was Sunday, there were first-person plotty things and I was distracted by IM more than I usually am, some of my tag time did go to that.

→ GOAL TWO: I was mid-tag when midnight rolled around, but I figure this is RPWriMo and not NaNoWriMo, so actually completing the tag (and posting it, if it's a thread and not a GDoc) should be what I aim for in considering my total count? IDK, just my feeling. Without that tag, I didn't get to 1,667 to meet the day's goal. Still, I'm not too fussed about it because of the above.

RPWRIMO GOAL

1532 | 30000

PERSONAL GOAL

1532 | 50000

LILY (AM): 869 [ thread tag, thread tag ]

SARAH (PARA): 663 [ narrative, thread tag ]

.

a reminder!

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:11:07 GMT

Virtually no prepwork required, as you can just start with whatever logs/threads/etc you'd already planned to tag tomorrow, a highly manageable 30,000 word goal (1,000 a day! approximately two pages in OpenOffice) and multiple types of writing (logs, narratives, drabbles, etc) that are valid for participation.

SO DO IT. :D

comics - buffy the vampire slayer season eight;

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 11:09:15 GMT

WOOT, I'm now through Season Eight (with the exception of Tales of the Vampires)! As I'd been telling silver_x_cross, I went into the comics not sure I'd really like them and I found out I was so very wrong. If I quoted all the bits I loved, I'd basically be reproducing about 3/4 or more of the comics. XD

COMICS-BUYING F-LISTERS: The closest place to purchase comics for me is a half hour away and is just a tiny section of the bookstore franchise in the mall (which means limited selection), so what I'm looking for is where you buy your comics if you buy them online! I'd really like to not have to pay a ton more for the comics with shipping included, so a place with a discount on the cover price and decent shipping would be fantastic.

Also, is there anything I should know about ordering comics online, like do I have to pay extra for sturdy shipping materials or should it be included and other things of that nature?

they need to have kids someday;

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 09:52:13 GMT

HAIRY PALM.

FORGET THE APOCALYPSE, JUST GIVE ME HUNTS.

I've loved these last two episodes to bits, I won't lie. I'm still so pleased to have the "solve a hunt in one episode" feel back to the show and I really think the boys are settling back into a rhythm.

Jesse wins and I want him for my very own. I'm really sad he went it alone, though, I was kind of hopping Dean's X-Men themed lie would actually turn out true and Bobby WOULD be Xavier, because that grumpy old man needs a kid around to instruct in the ways of super intelligent awesome none nonsense hunting.

But, really, I am. SO PROUD. Of those boys for being straight with Jesse and essentially letting him have the choice, rather than either of them consider for even a moment that he would be a useful tool now against Lucifer and tell him How Things Went. I mean, that had to have been tempting to wonder if they could just get this kid to say the word and send Lucifer on his way.

I think Sam's speech/convo with Jesse may go down as one of my top favorite Sam moments. It was really the single best display of how Sam feels that I've seen to date and Jared pretty much nailed it hard.

As far as the funny goes? SPOT ON. The hairy tooth fairy, THE FACE, the ham AHAHAHA THE HAM, Sam's pretty pretty bafflement at what was going on, DEAN'S HAIRY PALM, ALL OF IT.

Also, two thumbs up for the mythology tonight, I really liked how they made "anti-Christ" mean demon spawn in general, not just the son of the Devil. Though now I do wonder if only "male-oriented" demons can spawn children, or it's an all-demon thing. HOWEVER, I bet this episode alone births a new herd of half-demon Mary Sue OCs. XD

Cas being an asshole made my night because it was so perfectly complemented/contrasted by him all but CRYING because he was going to kill that kid. I love that angel, I love him so much.

Dean's "why parents lie" speech, much like the Sam moment with Sam, is going down as one of my favorite Dean moments. Truer words were never spoken, my man. (HEWOULDBESUCHAGOODDAD,ISAYAGAIN) Them wishing at the end that John had lied to them was actually pretty damn perfect, because even though they both know they'd be dead by now if John'd tried to hunt and lie to them their whole lives, there is still that "I want a childhood" wish there and, guh. Just perfect.

Also, Sam being straight up truthful with a kid made my Ben want to know where he can GET SOME OF THAT, bwahahaha.

four score and seven years ago I had a funny hat;

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 08:02:37 GMT

THE JDM WAS SO CLOSE I COULD PRACTICALLY SEE IT, WAH.

And THERE is the show I fell in love with, right there.

I can get emotionally invested in the Apocalypse storyline, but I could honestly take it or leave it at the end of the day, because the hunts & brother talks are what this show has always been about for me. There was a really good balance between genuinely funny moments and ouchy moments, which was what I like from SPN. As needed as all the epic hurty stuff was earlier in the season, all the funny being weighed down for me by the heartbreaking/frustration acts going on around it just wasn't as enjoyable. THIS, though? This is the SPN I love.

I think this is the first time I've ever liked Paris Hilton. Clearly, she needs to play forgotten gods who mock celebrities MORE.

BWAHAHAH Dean being pwned by Paris Hilton and Sam being pwned by Gandhi. That made my night. It is also CANON proof that Sam has no defense against short people attacking from behind. ;)

I really enjoyed how they were wrong about the case, and Dean was going to pack it in and Sam said things weren't working for him and stood his ground. Season One Dynamics Repeated wouldn't have worked from a viewer standpoint either, but I'm really glad it was addressed ICly in regards to their relationship, and that it was this soon. There was the right amount of awkward, with Sam jumping to conclusions at the beginning about the training wheels being for him, and it was a nice that the comment about the training wheels being for both of them played out so clearly as "learn it new" rather than "relearn the old way".

I'm also glad Sam finally fessed up that he wanted away from Dean last season for a selfish reason, because the wankery about Dean wanting away from Sam this season for a selfish reason was grinding on my last nerve and now it's even. The wankers can STFU now because BOTH BOYS ARE HUMAN AND BOTH BOYS HAVE FALLEN OFF THE "WE'RE A TEAM" BANDWAGON FOR THEIR OWN VALID BUT SELFISH REASONS, NOW THEY'RE BACK ON IT. So yes, seriously, STFU wanky fanbrats. (Though I suppose I should be grateful they're wanking about that and not about RL girlfriends. The girls deserve a break.)

Actually, I like a lot of the "evening things up" that's going on lately. I think the right amount of weight is being payed to Sam being the one who brought on the Apocalypse because he was addicted and played by Ruby, but it only works if key plot is readdressed, so I liked that it's balanced by Dean saying that they both are responsible for the Apocalypse in the Winchester Way Of Self-Blame fashion, and that he also acknowledged that the demon blood was epically fail but Lilith dying was never a bad goal. I just wished they would have highlighted again that the seals between the first and last were never a "win" scenario, even though I know the boys aren't like that. STILL, I'LL POINT IT OUT. They weren't going to stop the Apocalypse. It wasn't just Dean and Sam who did this, it was the fucked up will of Heaven in letting the seals all be broken so fast/easily that made Lilith's death actually count, rather than being too soon by being the 34th broken or whatever.

Also, again, SO CLOSE TO JDM. This better mean they're saving it to make it count and I'm getting JDM later in the season. Yes, I'm likely dreaming the impossible. Sue me.

As for the things to come, that looked awesome all around (sitcom! OLD DEAN!), but there's one part that stuck out, the slap Sam received, which basically made me go right out loud "HOLY SHIT WAS THAT SARAH?" Because it looked like her! Even though she wasn't a nurse, so I really doubt it was her, unless she went to be a nurse after her stint, which I suppose could work if she decided she liked a taste of "saving people". But rambling, yes, and probably not her.

and spn for the mother-f*ing win again;

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 21:38:14 GMT

Dani crashed last night, so we just now watched it, hence the huge delay on this!

-- AHAAHAHAH CAS & DEAN. Still so fucking funny.

-- oh my god breaking my heart guys stop it now. dean you know you don't really want this to be foreverrrrr.

-- PALIN. Apocalypse. AH HA HA. I LOVE THE WRITERS.

-- "WE NEVER TRIED TO FIND HIM?" I KNEEEEEEW IT.

-- WHERE IS DEAN'S RING?

And then I stopped taking any kind of reactions notes because this was such a good episode. Right until:

-- LUCIFER!SAM IN A WHITE SUIT. SO HOT. SO SEXY. BRB. BRAIN MELTING FOREVER.

So, post-watch thoughts!

- Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU WRITERS. You did such a better job this time actually showing Dean wasn't just saying those things to Sam to get fun times. I still wanted to shake him, but I knew he'd get it as soon as he realized what he said became five years of permanent. There was a much better balance between Dean's feeling of betrayal and him realizing he'd taken that hurt too far and apologizing. That end speechy thing was truly a good balance of "I was right, but not about all of it, so I'm sorry" and I'm so glad he handed the knife to Sam, and poor Sam, he looked so shocked, poor puppy. BUT HE'S CHANGING THINGS BECAUSE OF SAM, GUYS. I KNEW HE HAD IT IN HIM.

- Zachariah is a douchebag and he's not even a fun one. I think I prefer Uriel's douchebaggery.

- WHEELCHAIR. I choked up. That was... I think the saddest thing for me in a deeply sad way, rather than OMGWTF at dead!f!Dean. There's just a world of not fair in Bobby being gone. HOWEVER. Bobby was in the picture with what looked like hippie!Cas, so perhaps he won't die this season ~~even though the future changes now~~. Yes? YES.

- F!Dean and his brokenness broke me. Every thing he did broke me, especially the truly DICKISH crap like SACRIFICING HIS FRIENDS, WHAT. But he was exactly what I'd expect of a Dean who went without Sam for five years, had to do this alone (even with people around), lived through Sam saying yes and then lived through two hugely hellish years of world destruction. AND THEN LUCIFER BROKE HIM FOR REAL. D: I'm probably the only person in the world who could legitimately WELL UP at dead!Dean when living!Dean is standing right there, but there you go.

- Hippie!Cas was not awesome. I enjoyed him so much and he was funny, but he basically revealed what I was afraid of, that he was only a hippie because Dean is a horrible influence and Cas was not an angel and was very, very broken about it and I can't call broken!Cas awesome because I am weak. GIMME MY BADASS WARRIOR.

- TOILET PAPER. Chuck. WIN.

- Lucifer!Sam's facial twitches made me want to smack him, but it was JUST SO PERFECT, because it's the same effect as the White Witch in the Chronicles of Narnia - there's the human-looking creature, and they're being so humanlike and sympathetic and nice and then BAM you remember they are THE BAD GUY and they are FAKING IT. I loved that.

- Sets = FABULOUS. I bet they were SO MUCH FUN to make.

- I need more Lucifer. In the temp host, in Sam, in any attractive male because, UNF. Evil is sexy.

There's probably more, but generally, I forget all the parts I loved when there are so many and this was just a really, really good episode. It might be partially because I was so afraid it was going to suck concerning the boys' reconciliation, but I still think it was a kick ass episode!~

advenarpg PEOPLES;

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 23:03:40 GMT

Quickly, while I'm in-between journals:

~~TWO DAYS. LESS THAN, REALLY. SO FREAKING EXCITED.~~ Make that the 10th.

Okay, the legit reason I opened the update page -- I'm putting together a post to pimp specifically for Sirius and Harry, as the Lily player, but is there anyone else that anyone ABSOLUTELY WANTS that you might want me to add on at the end, in an "and [in-game character] would love [character] and [character]" way? I don't want to do an "EVERYONE EVER" thing because that's frowned upon, so just specific/very important to yours types of characters.

Let me know now, and I'll keep the list and remove any who are apped before I post it.

buffy does not approve;

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 09:17:19 GMT

My Neighbor's Secret.

I honestly have to say, this movie may have traumatized me a bit tonight! NICHOLAS BRENDON, WHY. D:

XANDER IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND CRAZY PERSON CREEPER MURDERER, OKAY?

As Lifetime movies go, I really didn't think it was all that thrilling, but that could be bias because OMGWTFBBQ WHAT WAS THAT CHARACTER. I don't really want him to be stuck in the acting horridness of typecasting, but COME ON.

Usually, I don't deeply associate one and only role with an actor (I tend to save that for RP and PBs used, haha). There are some where one role is what I think of most, but I'm not usually jarred right out of the story by the discrepancy. But Nicholas Brendon is Xander to me, so much so that while Relative Chaos a few years ago was a cute sort of movie for a TV movie, I spent most of the time making Buffy references about his character and Charisma Carpenter's character.

But this movie? SO JARRING. I still think it wasn't the most original storyline, which Lifetime movies rarely are, but there was nothing really gripping about it to make the idea its own. That said, I found I couldn't really get into it because every time the character was creepy, my brain felt like it wanted to switch over to an abort sequence. I actually watched at least two parts of it over the corner of a couch pillow, not because it was horror movie material, but because watching him talk in a truly deranged fashion to his laptop whilst spying on people was SO VERY WRONG.

He was oozing creepiness from the moment he came on screen and that was why I didn't turn the channel, I was just sitting there going "what am I seeing? seriously, WHAT?" in that Trainwreck Syndrome Way. I. Could. Not. Look. Away. I could have turned the channel. (There were probably much better things to watch!) But I didn't, because I had this strange need to see how it would end.

And God, did it end just as creepy as it started.

Dear Hollywood,

Give this boy some quality roles STAT.

No Love Until You Do,
Me.

I was going to compare it with the sheer wtfery my mind went through in watching Dean Cain (the actor behind my FAVORITE INCARNATION of Clark Kent/Superman EVERRRRRRR) be Scott Peterson, but even that was less creepy!

So yes, if you're in shoes like mine (seeing N.B. be a scary creeper would weird you out) this might not be the best way to spend two hours of your life.

I think a "Xander's Greatest Hits"-type Buffy marathon may be in order.

my sleep schedule is officially all screwed up;

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 15:06:54 GMT

ONE WEEK TO A.M.'s OPENING.

I really thought the longer I had to wait, the more the excitement would have faded, but no, I am still SO ABSOLUTELY JAZZED at being able to play Lily again in just one week. EEEE.

missmegan, hp_anon - How goes set-up things, ladies?

kasterborous - Need me to break out my app-cheering pom poms yet? :D

And this is not an official pimp, exactly, as I'm waiting on the game to be modly pimped first, but I am curious: any Sirius Black players on my f-list who play Sirius with the very close friendship with Lily on top of the James'-best-friend aspect? The game in question is a "pulled from different points in time" concept, so young Sirius or older Sirius, I'm not going to be all demanding and dictate one over the other, but them being close is an aspect that is pretty important to me.

For an example of my Lily with a post-Veil Sirius, you can see this log (multifandom, set in Los Angeles).

i think someone needs to look up the definition of happy in a dictionary;

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 07:48:51 GMT

God, watching this online was a bitch tonight.

-- SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM. Your sad, needy, heartbroken faces. You break me.
asdlfkal;kfj;a NO. Gah, why did the Jess appearance have to be a crazy, word-twisty hallucination? I wanted something sweet, dammit.

-- OMFG OK AND PA. AAAHAHAH. DANI! AHAAHAHAHAHAH.

-- Well, that was gross. Dean, you are SO NOT OKAY AT ALL, you're practically wearing a sign that says "functions 75% less human-like without Sammy". Saaaaam, saaaaad Saaaaam. OMG THIS SEPARATION MONTAGE, MAKE IT STOP, this is so sad.

-- PERSONAL SPACE. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA ANGEL. Damn, Dean's getting some cute quips in tonight. Still, I'd be enjoying this more if I didn't think this was all a front for your pain, Dean.

-- Cas, your desperation, it's killing me here.

-- AAHAHAH CAS. YOU FAIL AT ESPIONAGE. I LOVE YOU.

-- ...WHAT WHAT OH HELL NO, NO CRAZY POST-ANGEL-POSSESSION DEAN. Kripke, if you even....

-- ily Bobby. I want you fixed ad back in the fight.

-- "Sit here quietly."
*AWKWARD CAS FACES*
"You are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch." AAHHAA GETTING CAS LAID. THIS IS SO AMAZING.

-- "I can't." Sam, I want to hug you so much. YOU CAN, OR AT LEAST WILL SOON. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

-- "DON'T MAKE ME PUSH YOU." Screaming girl. CAAAAAAAAAAS. Your absolute cluelessness with humans and women and whatnot is so much love.

-- "Years." Hey. >.< It's only been two since you made the deal, PLUS, I've seen you laugh since then, Dean! There's such a thing as finding things too funny because you're OVERCOMPENSATING.

-- Aww, I like this girl. Watch her turn out to be a demon or something.

-- "Come and get me you little bastard." Dean is such a hugely bad influence on Cas and I love it so freaking much.

-- Nonononono. GO AWAY BLOODY HUNTER. LEAVE HIM ALOOOOONE.

-- "What he said." ahahahahaha too funny, but gah wtf to the rest of that! Where's your faith, TMNA?

-- What the shit is this, hunter man? This is NOT A SOLUTION. Have you all gone batshit crazy?!

-- YES!! I KNEW HE WOULD SPIT IT OUT! GOOD BOY SAM!

-- "I knew in my heart he was still alive" God, I love you Dean.

-- ... Good without Sam? Happy without his family?! Lying liar who LIESSSSSSS. Even still, that crap is not on, Dean. (Cue fandom wankstorm in 3...2...)

-- BAH. More fake Jess. AWW DAMMIT, LUCIFER.

-- Vessel? Not shocking. Totally knew Sam would be. WHERE IS MY MYSTERY.

-- I THINK I LOVE THIS LUCIFER. So silver-tongued, so fabulous. Quoting Ruby verbatim? WIN WIN WIN. But yeeeeeah, he's totally manipulating Sam.

-- This whole episode is going to be Terminator: Supernatural, isn't it? AAAA WHITE SUIT SAM IS SO LUCIFER.

-------------------
OKAY, NON-NOTE-TAKING THOUGHTS:

I am kind of bummed that Jess was a fake, twisted Jess. Like, I get that it made sense in relation to what was going on, just like hallucination!Mary did last season, but I'm a sap and I wanted to see something that resembled the REAL versions of these women.

The whole vessel thing was... predictable, I guess that's the word I want? One broke the first seal, the other broke the last, both those seal breakings involved things that proved the boys aren't just Your Average Joe and Sam was prepped for this with the baby blood, so once Dean was outed as Michael's vessel, I was pretty sure Lucifer would be coming for Sam. That said, I still think it could be interesting even if it's kind of cliche. If they throw in some interesting lore on top of the "you guys broke seals! D:", like the vessels having to be 'brothers/family' because Michael and Lucifer were/are brothers, Mary's deal was one of blood/family, or something really twisty awesome that I can't predict, or they take turns with Michael/Lucifer jumping in and out of the bodies, rather than go the whole epic fight that isn't even Dean and Sam, I could get behind it much more.

But I tell you right now, if this heads toward some kind of "the vessels will be destroyed in the final fight, the loser's vessel CANNOT SURVIVE" business, I will find a way to reach through my computer and slap Kripke. I WANT MY TRUNKSHOT "So now what?" "Now? Pie/beer/babes/etc." ENDING, DAMMIT.

And Dean saying he's good without Sam, happier without family? Riiight, Dean. Family is Dean's natural instinct. Ten bucks the angel who still doesn't grasp humanity AT ALL even knows it's lies.

But, I think Dean's entitled to feel this way (as much as I want to smack him for it and even though I'm sure it's, like, a denial-filled gut reaction to Sam leaving, all "well, let me make things out to have sucked so I can feel better that Sam's gone", layered over how much he misses the brother that he hunted side by side with) because Sam's actions were a huge personal betrayal to him and God knows Dean doesn't cope well with emotions at all. Which is pretty much just like Sam was entitled to feel last season that Dean was weak, because he wanted the brother who would tell him 'no matter what it takes' and wanted the blood act to be okay, and behaved as though he didn't need Dean to fight Lilith.

As close as they are and as much as they know about each other, neither of them really understands the other much right now. But I'm getting worried this is going to be drug out all season, rather than something forcing them to at least confront this issue again, but here's to hoping they both get some kind of two by four to the head hint that they need each other without another "It's A Terrible Life" episode, because that episode was great as it was and should not be redone thematically.

I am getting kind of annoyed that Dean keeps needing to be "shown the way" these last two seasons. I know Dean has confidence and self-worth issues, writers, but really? This is how you want to play it? :P

Sam, though, was really excellent writing tonight. I would just like to see the awesome characterization of both of them be in the same episode, rather than switching back and forth between fail.

I also don't buy that God is dead. Maybe that's the drilled-in religion in me talking, but that's some crazy shit right there. I could go for God taking on JDM's appearance and showing up, though. Just saying.

FINALLY - If the future episode is all Lucifer-as-Sam and no real Sam, I'm going to have a small tantrum. That'll be TWO EPISODES they're apart and grrrrr.

happy birthday dani_forever!!

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:01:05 GMT

PROMPT: None, it's a birthday ficlet!
AUTHOR: Jessi, princessjessia (Disclaimer)
FANDOM: Heroes, Supernatural [parabolical universe]
CHARACTERS: Claire, Dean, Natalie, Ben.
SUMMARY: The consequences of falling asleep before your child. September 2015.
RATING: PGish.
WORD COUNT: 1590+
NOTES: Future-fic for a current RPG. This scenario has been in my brain for a few months as the art-I-wish-I-could-draw, and with the future plot coming up, it seemed even more fitting for a present. For my BFF, dani_forever, on her birthday, with much love. ♥

A quiet fills the house less than two hours after the rest of the family has gone to their own homes, which is certainly a welcome respite – in theory – for Claire, but with a teenage boy who is technically a man, a grown man who acts like he's still a teenage boy, and a two-year-old girl within limitless energy as the other occupants of the house, quiet rarely means anything good. She's learned to cope with it, even embrace it, but that doesn't mean she's become stupid enough to let that silence go on forever without investigating it.

She follows a trail of toys through the house and up the stairs, tugging a laundry basket along behind her as it grows heavier with each toy. Though she watched by no one at the moment, the actions quietly speak of that maternal patience that's been earned in the course of caring for people, suited to her thirty-one years of life and an even older soul, even if that patience doesn't seem to fit with the forever-sixteen exterior.

At the top of the stairs, she adds to the pile of toys in the laundry basket several articles of clothing – a button shirt of Dean's, an Angel's ballcap of Ben's, and the hoodie that Sam hadn't been allowed to have back upon departure. The female fascination with wearing a loved male's clothing starts very young, apparently.

The first thing Claire notices after pushing the laundry basket to one side is the turquoise lines on the open door to the bedroom that hadn't been there earlier in the day.

Marker lines.

Only an insane person would give a two-year-old free reign with markers. Well. An insane person and Dean Winchester.

Taking a deep breath, Claire peers around the doorframe and groans quietly. The door wasn't, as a part of her hoped futilely, the single artistic endeavour of Miss Natalie Winchester. Purple and yellow join the turquoise in long streaks and concentrated scribbles along the wall from the door to the upholstered rocking chair, and she is once again grateful that the walls are painted, not wallpapered. Slashes of blue mingle with those three colors on the tan fur of the enormous Mastiff snoring away on the floor in front of the rocking chair, and she sighs. The scribbles continue up the denim pant legs and bare arms of the nineteen-year-old boy slouched in the rocking chair, and Claire has to make a correction.

Only an insane person, Dean Winchester and Ben Braeden-Winchester would give a two-year-old free reign with markers.

Stepping entirely into the room, Claire surveys the rest of it before turning off the small TV and picking up the three coloring books that lay open on the floor. If she were feeling generous, she might give them points for giving Natalie the right thing to color on, but she would then have to take away so many points they would be in the negative due to them both falling asleep in the same room as a toddler with a box of brightly-colored markers and flat surfaces aplenty.

The rest of the walls and Ben's face are free of inked decoration, but she guesses this is only the case because, one, his face is pressed into the plush back of the chair, and two, there was another face in the room that was more appealing.

Dean's.

A minute and forty seconds later, Claire returns to Natalie's bedroom with the camera and starts snapping pictures. Response time is crucial for these moments, not just for the cherished memories and blackmail value, but also as proof later when her husband wakes up and cheerfully denies having put even one marker within reach of his 'Gnat Nat'.

Only when evidence is gathered does Claire finally stop to cover up Ben and then move to truly admire the ink-to-skin damage. Dean'll be cleaning Natalie up come morning, no matter how loudly their brightly-colored child screeches about it, but the bulk of the rainbow is entirely on the Manly and Tough Dean Winchester.

He'll say it isn't manly, but Claire still thinks it's one of the manliest things he does, being a dad.

Ten years ago, he wouldn't have been caught dead sprawled on his back on a very pink little girl's bed with marker all over him. Ten years ago, he wouldn't have knowingly had a child with any woman, let alone have married said woman first and planned for that child years later. But a lot has changed in ten years, much of it for the better.

Claire sits on the bed close to Dean's shoulder to put the markers back in their latch box, but that act is broken up with brushing Natalie's long, light brown hair back from her face, covering the two of them up and noting all the details, small and large, that fit together to make Natalie's full-face marker makeup on Dean. Brown eyebrows now backed by truly industrious purple scribbles on the skin beneath the hair. Yellow scribbling around his eyes in large circles. Black slashes above his lip, like an handlebar mustache gone very awry. Those perfect, kissable lips, now as cherry red as the wide circle of skin around them and his entire nose. It's at that point that Claire suspects Natalie fell asleep, as the coloring on Dean's nose is messy even for a toddler's scribbling and the line of red continues down Dean's cheek and neck to where Natalie's hand came to rest.

All in all, he looks like a clown, and Claire takes a moment to reflect that it's a good thing Sam has already gone home, as she can just imagine his reaction to Dean the Clown. It's that brief moment of imagination that sends her into a silent, helpless fits of giggles and she slips down the side of the bed to the floor, holding her sides and biting her tongue to keep from waking her daughter.

It's the giggling that wakes Dean, but not the sound, as Claire isn't making any. Instead, it's the way the toddler bed shakes with the laughter that drags him out of his sleep to check for an earthquake, even as he protectively tightens his grip on Natalie and looks for Ben. It's not an earthquake, though, as nothing else in the room is shaking.

What he does find is the top off his wife's head a few inches from his face, twitching a bit in time with the faint motions of the bed, ones that had felt more extreme seconds ago.

He barely swallows the rising grumble, as he knows she's going to harass him for being an old man who can't stay awake long enough to get Natalie to sleep. It's not his fault they make little kid's mattresses so comfortable or that his daughter is as stubborn as they come. Clearly, she got that from Claire, not him. Ben's stubbornness he blames on John and Mary.

"What're you laughing at, woman?"

Despite the whisper-soft quality of the question, Natalie stirs slightly and the red line on his neck moves from three inches to four, as she still holds the marker in her hand. The felt tip is damp against his neck, an odd sensation, but it only takes Dean a few seconds to realize what is likely so funny.

Dammit, Winchester.

A swipe at his face leaves the palm of his hand multi-colored and he has to cut himself off mid-curse. Natalie's not yet three; she needs other words in her vocabulary before adding in what almost came out of his mouth, especially because she's a little girl and shouldn't sound like a hunter. It's only taken him this long to be successful at sometimes watching his mouth.

The muffled half-curse adds to Claire's amusement and makes her proud, all at once. He's had almost ten years parenting Ben, but it was an entirely new thing to parent a girl, especially from the beginning. Ben's language and too-mature way of speaking as a child had been in place before Los Angeles, but Dean's vowed that Natalie won't get that from him. It's just one more point of responsibility among all the rest that form his perception of begin a father. He's a natural at it just the same; being Sam's big brother the way that he'd had to be was just the early steps of that natural 'parenting'.

He moves Natalie off him and onto the bed with a tenderness that makes Claire fall in love with him again. It's a frequent occurrence, once that nine and a half years hasn't slowed. If anything, it's allowed it to happen more often.

"Well, Supergirl? What's so funny?"

His voice is husky and close to her ear, but she still has laughter to spend before she can turn her thoughts to other activities.

"You have a... little something right there, baby," she stammers in a whisper and then gives herself over to the laughter entirely, still giggling when Dean scoops her ups and carries her out of the room.

we aren't going to speak of my dsl service or it might hear us;

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 03:44:09 GMT

Does anyone have lineart images of an Order-like phoenix that I could turn into a custom brush in PSP? Apparently mine were corrupted in the secondary's failure and the phoenix images out there are very, very painted/arty and hard to make into a good brush.

Also...

Dear kasterborous;

ARE WE FINALLY GOING TO GET TO RP TOGETHER AGAIN?

Love,
princessjessia

Dear OTS;

THANK YOU FOR FINALLY HAVING A HOLD ON SAM.

Love,
Your Mary player.

Dear self;

Either submit this app or don't, it's ridiculous to keep staring at it and debating over the activity minimums versus your still-not-waning desire to play this character.

No love ever,
Me.

SPN AWESOME: 2, FAIL: 0;

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 06:38:38 GMT

I loved this episode right until the last five minutes, then I snapped from love to hate so fast I think I gave myself whiplash.

Okay, first, tell me I'm not the only one who went PLAYING SKEEBALL IN JERSEY when they were talking about where God was. Anyone? Bueller?

-- *FLAIL* CASTIEL, YOU ARE SO BADASS! I LOVE IT.

-- HOLY SHIT THE AMULET IS A GOD LOCATER?!?!?! That's... wow. But AWWWW. AWWWWWWW. Look, it's still important to Dean! Man, if Cas loses it, I think I will probably cry IRL tears.

-- "Are you allergic to giving me peace of mind" MY NEW FAVORITE LINE. AHAAH I love that Dean got the brunt of it. SEE WHAT YOUR BIG BROTHER DOES FOR YOU, SAM?

-- ... jesus Sam, wtf was that. It was a legit question from Dean.

-- IT'S NOT DEMONS. WHAT IS IT?

-- HOLY SHIT, HORSEMEN. THAT MEANS THE CA- YES!! YES, THAT IS MY SMART BOY. AAHAH "That's the way I'd roll." ahaha this is so Good Omens meets Para. I'm pretty much convinced now that we're being spied on.

-- THE IRISH. I... don't get it?

And then I gave up on notes because I was faceplanted to my monitor watching this episode. Which leads me to my biggest reaction, post-episode:

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

I knew it was coming, I can't find one argument against it because it makes sense for the events and, really, if this hadn't have happened I'd probably be complaining it was unrealistic, but STILL, AAAAAUGH DAMMIT NO *TANTRUM*. Being so ridiculously NOOOOOO about it is probably silly, and it's not that I hate it in a "OH MY GOD THIS IS A HORRIBLE PIECE OF WRITING" (it's more "nooo this show is about the boys agaisnt the world and this isn't emotionaly FAAAAIR"), it's that the end of this episode has slain me more than most all of my top "SPN Has Killed Me So HARD" moments. It's that quiet sort of heartbreak where you knew it was going to end with Sam leaving, but you kept waiting for Dean to say something as Sam walked away or for Sam to turn around or something. GAH.

Bravo for Dean offering the Impala though. I have to admit, I was genuinely and truly worried about the writers not getting the full way there with showing all sides. Give that, I'm really pleased to see that they're doing so well with it! They've clearly and multiple shown Sam truly, genuinely sorry and wanting to make it right, but they're also showing the huge struggle and his fear of himself that is now holding him back, and I'm really glad Sam addressed, out loud, that he has all these great intentions but there is something beneath the good intentions that was about the feeling/power. I'm also superpleased that they are ALSO doing so well with showing that Dean knows Sam is sorry but just can't bounce back so fast from such a huge betrayal, and that it's necessary that he have his head fully in the game about the Apocalypse and not be distracted because distractions will be fatal for billions, but it's clearly eating him up inside to have his first priority not be Sam for the first time in THIRTY FREAKING YEARS. I mean, a lot of it is Jensen and Jared's wonderful acting, because that's where the nuanced things are coming from, but they still need material to work with. SO, GOOD ON SPN.

I just wonder where Sam's going to go ALL ALONE. D:

All that said, THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD EPISODE. I love how War pitted them all against each other with the demon hallucinations and was an arrogant sonofabitch and just his whole hugely blatant dislike of humanity. It was perfect.

I'm calling it now, one of the Horsemen is going to be a chick, like in Good Omens, and Dean's going to sleep with her. (Also, now I wonder how Death will go down, like if it'll be a Good Omens-esque thing with Death being a part, but separate and above, the other three, or what)

Bobby makes me so sad and they better fix him. I know they can't, because Jim Beaver had commitments for some of the episodes or something (?) so Bobby has to stay down, but boo. It's somehow less awesome with Bobby out of the mix.

ELLEN NEEDS TO BE AROUND MOAR. This series really needs more kickass, take charge women in it more often, and I think it ought to be Ellen because seeing her be all violently motherly at the boys made me want to hug her. Rufus, as always, was BAMF and I was really pleased with how it was Rufus vs Dean and Dean snapped Rufus out of it, and then, bwahaha, Rufus made a crack about Dean figuring it out. I was... more impressed with the Jo of former seasons than this Jo. Granted, I liked that she's hunting, but they didn't give her much face time or lines, so I feel like she was underused in the same way Meg was last episode.

Castiel has a really great little rant at the beginning. I mean, angel has a lot of pent up anger, it was definitely good to see it come out and show just how out of his element Castiel is. And duuuuuuuuuude, the amulet. Like, part of me is going "no one had any idea how valuable this thing was all along, SERIOUSLY", but it's a very tiny part that is drowned out by my continued squee over Dean so clearly no wanting to give it up, then covering that with the whine about feeling naked. XD

ALSO RIBCAGE WHUT. That was some pretty elaborate stuff right there.

and thursdays are the best day of the week again;

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 04:33:26 GMT

All in all? I really approve of this whole episode. It could have been tighter in pacing in parts to keep from being quite so time-heavy in one aspect, but it was really good TV!

In no particular order:

- CASTIEL IS THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKING BADASS TO EVER BADASS EVER OMG. Telling Zachariah to put the boys back? YEAH, SUCK IT, ZACHARIAH! I didn't think it was possible to love Castiel more, but I DO.

- Yay God saving Castiel, Dean & Sam? I mean, that's what we're supposed to think, right? The instant detox was a nice touch, but I expect to see much more in the way of dealing with the addiction or I'm going to be mucho disappointed in the writers.

- AHAAHAH FANGIRL. I love that she was writing really bad porn right in the episode, but her groping Sam while blowing off Dean was still the funniest bit.

- Bobby, omg. Demon!Bobby is officially the most painful possessed version of a favorite character I've ever experienced because hearing that come out of his mouth at Sam just seemed SO VERY WRONG and absolutely broke me (thought GEEZ DEAN you couldn't have clued in a tiny bit sooner after Bobby was saying the EXACT OPPOSITE not all that long ago?). Sam looked like a puppy who had been kicked repeatedly and omg, I just wanted to hug him forever.

- LULZ DEAN IS THE SWORD. That's just... the puns and innuendo pretty much write themselves.

- LUCIFER IS AWESOME. This was so exactly what I wanted to see, a Lucifer that seems so sympathetic and is easy to nod along with and believe they're somehow different that what has been said about them (like early s4!Ruby was for me!). That is seriously my favorite kind of baddie, the ultra-sympathetic, charming/convincing ones. I think there was a little too much of the "vessel's backstory, let me show you it" going on in the episode, time-wise, but I understood what they wanted to establish there.

- AWW, Dean has his GED! I've heard that test is rough to take, so good for Dean for having gotten his GED whenever he did.

- NO, IT WAS A FAKE PEP TALK. D: That part was disappointing, even though it was kind of expected, as I really enjoyed the "get the fuck off our planet" attitude.

- OH GOD THE END. I was waiting for some kind of talk, and it still huuuuuuurt. It was, in some ways, less terrible than I'd built up in my head (points to Dean for acknowledging that he does know Sam is feeling honestly and massively sorry/guilty, rather than swinging to the opposite extreme and being utterly nasty and saying he doesn't care if Sam's sorry), but it still was really heartwrenching to see Sam's reactions to what was said and to see that for Dean, the act of Sam choosing Ruby/blood/etc over him and so forth was, in a way, worse than actually starting the Apocalypse (or maybe that was just me, it just seemed that there was a hell of a lot more personal hurt in those statements than professional/member of the human race anger). That said, FIX IT NAO PLEASE.

ETA: OH YEAH MEG. Her entrance was slightly underwhelming but she had the trademark Meg cattyness down, as well as a nice touch of religious fanatic, so that was awesome.

And now I'm back to wanting to be able to back-to-back the episodes for the whole season rather than wait. XD

IN OTHER NEWS - today's visit by a phone company repairman makes three since the start of September. A few hours after they concluded the visit and I tried out the connection, there was a cut out, but it's been the only major one today that I've noticed. At this point, I just really, REALLY HOPE they've fixed all the issues at last because I'm at the end of my patience at not having consistently functioning internet. It's making it impossible to do things at any kind of NORMAL pace, even things like email, which is really wearing me down with frustration.

rain, rain, go away;

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 10:48:13 GMT

[ TECH WHINE ]
I don't think August is supposed to end in rain, even for PA, yet it has and AUGH it's put me at my wits end over the pain in the ass that is my DSL service. It's ridiculous, because I know that the wet lines issue will never be resolved because they simply aren't going to come inspect the miles of phone lines for the piece that is being exposed to the rain. That means I just have to live with it when it cuts out. Screw you, rural setting. I love everything about you except this issue and the lack of delivery food.

So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the replacement modem will arrive soon and will not only stay on as it should (rather than randomly rebooting itself), but will hopefully solve at least some of the line issues by being slightly more functional and not adding to me being kicked offline frequently.

For now, though, I continue to curse at it regularly and find myself getting too frustrated with it to then go try and tag from my phone, so that part really does need a solution.

[ RP-LANDIA ]
I've gotten myself back into (single-fandom) HP public games again, woohoo!

Originally, it was in hopes of finding a place to play Lily, as I'd only played her in PSLs and multifandom games (and I did find that in a game I'll pimp once it's open to holds!), but in the process of hunting, I found a wonderful game that just sort of waved bright signs of "I AM FUN, JOIN ME NOW" despite it being a dark HP era, which motivated me to pick up Gideon in order to join in. It's still a bit weird to me because I know the player who had him previously, but I'm working through the awkward.

I'm feeling in a pimping mood, so:

BS [bumpshunted via bumpers] is a MWPP set in 1980 that would love some Death Eaters, as the Order characters are outnumbering them, and what would DE types be without the lovely society ladies they are married to?

I'd personally REALLY, REALLY adore a Molly and an Arthur, you have no idea how much.

I've been thinking about taking up a female on the DE-supporter side, both for some brainspace balance (and so, when it's Gid's time D: I have another developed character still in play) but I haven't decided who yet.

Given my whole stance on shipping and that I know Dani does not have the time to join in with me to play the Cygnus to my Druella, I'm leaning toward the possibility of Druella because - and this sounds so utterly heartless, omg, but it is a reason just the same - it's 1980, so Cygnus would be dead. Though, Regulus is still alive in game, so I think the date might be workable, but Cygnus being dead (or perhaps dying when I pick her up, as part of plot) would be a challenge to playing her, and could lead to some interesting character development. I'm still not sure, though, as the way I've played Druella since before we even knew her name, as well as the Druella/Cygnus dynamic, leaves me thinking Druella, despite the way she would carry on like a lady with little to no cracked walls of reserve, might be too hard for me to play with Cygnus dead, and additionally, might be too close to an existing pureblood husband/wife dynamic written into a character's history and I don't want to trod on any toes.

Gideon's still new, though, and my internet hasn't yet achieved "the best we can do for you" status yet, so I have time to think about it more.

OTS [ourtrueselves via ourtruemods], a reincarnate game I got into because I was looking for the best of both worlds (original character creation and fandom characters in a multifandom setting) is closed to applications for the month of September, but once they are open again, I would give cookies and love and copious amounts of squee for a Sam Winchester reincarnate. I have Mary there, reincarnated into a wiseass male named Dave. It is open to reincarnates of more than just popular media, so even fairy tales and like, but it's one of the few I've seen current media allowed.

I have a Saetan SaDiablo reincarnate concept that I started/intended to app AWHILE AGO, but then my grandmother died and I lost my momentum on it. I think during this month, I'm going to take a fresh stab at him, as I still need to finish the Black Jewels canon reference/resource to accompany it because most people have never read the books. There was an Alastair concept I've had in mind for awhile now, but I really don't want to take up too many. I'm liking being able to focus on one character, and had only really concerned the Saetan concept because it took hold so fiercely. So we'll see.

And, of course, there is Para [parabolical via paramods] which is going to be two years old on IJ in December! I've been there a year and a half now, and it's had its ups and downs and the other things that come hand in hand with a multifandom game of that length and the size it had been in the past, but it's still trucking along. Currently it has far more manageable character numbers so new players won't be completely overwhelmed, is experiencing an upswing in activity and there are some fun game-wide plots scheduled for the future.

Part of me would still kill for a Five Years Gone Noah Bennet, with the small amount of game backstory or without it, but I know how very rare he is now that the show has moved far past that point in canon, and, to be honest, I'm leery of getting one, only to have him dropped again and hurt my Claire AGAIN, so I don't think I want one enough to actively seek one among complete strangers.

I'm not adding to my roster there, as I've played many off and on over the last year and a half, but I'm happy with the five I've had as my final roster for awhile now.

With AM, I'm definitely wanting Lily, but I've also been batting around the idea of Narcissa as well, even before missmegan and I were gripped by nostalgia. Narcissa's been my longest and loudest character, but I really wanted a chance to focus on Lily, play her against as many characters as possible from her own universe, which I never got the chance to do in multifandom, and really explore her. With Narcissa, I've had YEARS full of games of doing that, with Lily, I haven't. Beyond PSL and a brief time in multifandom, I've never had these two in the same game for any length of time, so I'm wary of doing so because I know how each feels about the other and they are both strong muses and strong people, which means conflict is inevitable, and conflict = interaction of some sort, even if it's just journal comments.

Really, you never know, going into a newly started game, how players will feel as a majority about characters with the potential for interactions being played by the same person, be they enemies or families. At TMF in the grand days of GJ, no one looked twice at people having multiple members of the same family line (because it was multi-era), especially with all the alternate-timeline people, and it was commonplace to see players doing justice to two closely-connected characters by essentially having journal-comments with themselves alongside of their other journal commenting. But I've played other places where it was even frowned upon to have two characters in one organization (like Death Eaters or the Order) unless the characters were from distinctly different age groups/wouldn't talk to each other except out of very rare necessity/etc. Call it what you will - sockpuppeting, rp masturbation, ficcing - it tends to be a really polarizing topic among RPers, depending on the game/RP type (single fandom, multifandom, PB, celeb, etc).

And it's 6:30 a.m. I officially fail at getting to bed. *facepalm* I'd like to blame the reading of the epic posted for the end of a game I've watched on and off as a reader, but it's really my own fault!

and to think I thought my interest in HP had waned;

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:35:26 GMT

Who must I bribe for there to be an MWPP or revived!characters or time-travel or AU game that has a decently active cast and is seeking both Lily AND James, rather than having one or the other already on the roster?

I know she, like many, is a popular character, but good grief, I've been looking for weeks now for a new game for my Lily and Dani's James, and while we have a possibility, I'm impatient and want to get to writing her now.

the state of the pheobe dog;

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 05:08:17 GMT

IT'S NOT CANCER!

That I've had to say this phrase twice this year is a little dismaying, BUT that's obviously countered GREATELY by the fact that in both cases, the presumed cancer was not cancer at all.

Phoebe's surgery was a week ago, from which she's been healing fantastically from, despite having to lose two front teeth (the tiny teeth in the upper front of the jaw) due to the removal of the lump and the skin it was within, and a back tooth due to it being bad. We had promising news from the outset because Bad News Vet (who now deserves her name less than before) was able to get her fingers entirely around the lump, which meant it was not attached to deeper tissue (which cancerous masses typically are), but I'd been biding my time over saying much about it out of a ridiculously superstitious urge to not jinx anything.

The vet called today with the results of the biopsy, which came back negative. While this type of thing (Husband Boy deleted the message before I could replay it to hear the actual term) can be aggressive while in existence (which meant we'd caught it at a good time as well, so Phoebe didn't require any reconstructive surgery), once it's removed, it rarely returns and she assured us last week that they'd excised any tissue surrounding it.

So to those of you who sent good vibes in Phoebe's direction, I thank you, SO MUCH. ♥

player seeking character for selfish reasons;

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:46:10 GMT

XD

Anyone out there on the f-list a Noah Bennet player, either former or perhaps always-wanted-to-and-never-did?

I'm looking for a Five Years Gone version specifically, for parabolical, as we're losing the one we had. As my Claire is also from Five Years Gone, and knows he is killed in their timeline (and was from that point in time), she's going to be pretty broken up and, SELFISHLY, I'd like to have another FYG!Noah to give her back her dad from her own timeline.

I know this might be a longshot, as there aren't as many Heroes RPGers out there interested in FYG since the other possible futures were introduced, but I'm hoping either someone out there has played Noah and might want to take a shot at that version, or someone who has also wanted to play Noah but didn't want to play three seasons of backstory might be interested.

I'd be willing to sit down and work on backstory from the FYG universe to help facilitate our interactions, as well as working on game canon to suit you if you'd choose to keep it. Now, it's likely (unless I find someone right now before the drops are processed and could ask for permission to not mention a disappearance) that Noah would have to arrive again anyhow, but there's really not much game backstory for him it if you'd want to give him the 'memories' of his time in Los Angeles but otherwise start fresh. You wouldn't necessarily need to keep previous game backstory if you didn't want to, however, so it would be your choice.

We've got a good Heroes cast with a mix of "timelines", from other Five Years Gone and episode specific (like a fabulous Six Months Ago Gabriel Grey) characters to a cluster of second season characters that have now diverged from the canon timeline due to game backstory (which my Nathan is from - basically, in their timeline, Nathan and Peter were missing for weeks after the shooting before Heidi and the boys were pulled to Los Angeles) to new season characters.

I may dislike the vet more than my pets;

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 02:04:42 GMT

Actually, I'm convinced that taking an animal to the vet puts me into more of a knotted ball of ANXIETY than it has ever done for any of my pets. That's not to say all vet visits are awful, but it's always the worry/bad news ones that stick with me.

The vet we use is a clinic/animal hospital, so there are several vets and they are all lovely professionals, but there is one there for which the associated stress just makes me call her Bad News Vet and any time we get her, I'm always waiting for something minor to turn into something major. This poor woman - I KNOW HER NAME, she's an excellent vet, she's very personable and I definitely don't dislike her, but she's thoroughly stuck in my head as Bed News Vet because over the course of, what, 12+ years, she's been the vet we've gotten when something 'not exactly good' is happening. She's the one who diagnosed growths as 'potentially cancerous', the one who had to deliver the worrying news for blood tests, recommend medicine for advanced-age pets with 'decline' problems, and so forth.

So Phoebe goes in today over this small swelling/bump on her upper gumline that I just spotted this last weekend. And we get in there and it's Bad News Vet. Now, we've gotten through NORMAL visits with this vet, so it's not like I'm saying OMG CURSE. I'm pretty chill, she checks Phoebe out, then goes to look at the bump - and finds it's not just this swelling/bump/lump, but also a patch of skin on the roof of her mouth. This, apparently, is not the best of things, and she's making these serious faces of SERIOUS, so Bad News Vet breaks out her usual technique that always leaves me swallowing too hard to keep from having a MOMENT right there over what might well be NOTHING. I get that it's typical, but god, every time this speech starts, my mind goes straight to the WORSE CASE SCENARIO and stays there.

On the best case side, it could just be a non-cancerous mass with surrounding areas affected by it's existence. On the worst case side, it's cancer and cancer in the mouth is very bad, especially if it's in the roof of the mouth, but hey, they have "RADICAL TREATMENTS" that can include removal of the jaw bone if infected and radiation/chemo and etc and at this point she kind of started sounding like the teacher on Charlie Brown because I'm torn between repeating this steady mantra of "It's fine, it's fine, chill out, don't you dare well up in the damn vet's office, it doesn't have to be cancer, you know Bad News Vet always does best case/worst case, it's fine, CALM DOWN" and bouncing Zoey, who's getting cranky that the vet is getting to pay all the attention to the dog and not her. Luckily, Husband Boy was there and so the tiny bit I missed to "wah wah wah" was heard.

So Phoebe gets her bloodwork panel, since she'd over the age of five (just turned six on the 14th of this month) and I made it out of the vet without making an ass of myself. Later, Bad News Vet calls and the first thing out of her mouth is "this is definitely good news!" for which I almost choked because there is NO WAY this poor woman could know I refer to her this way. Anyhow, the bloodwork all came back shiny fabulous within a few hours (because they didn't even have to send it out to their send-away lab), so while it doesn't rule out cancer (as they don't do cancer screenings there), it means Phoebe is otherwise perfectly, fantastically healthy. Let's hope it stays that way.

Surgery is on the 13th, in which they'll do both surgery and a teeth cleaning and they'll remove the mass & surrounding affected tissue, or as much as they can as sometimes not all of it can come out in this sort of surgery in this particular spot (mouth), and they'll send it off to be biopsied.

If any of you out there are animal people, some good vibes sent Phoebe's way would be really great. <3 Me, I'll be over here reminding myself that the worst case scenario does not always equal ACTUAL SCENARIO.

baaack;

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:42:10 GMT

Got back from vacation at about 4 a.m. this morning, and after catching up on sleep in my own bed (nothing like that feeling), I am now up and about and procrastinating unpacking my bags and doing my laundry. Once I have uploaded and sorted through my pictures, I'll likely do a picspam of family visiting plus Disney and talk about the trip. All in all, the trip was not everything I'd planned it to be because the traveling portion actually sucked in spots, things kept getting moved around so we saw less of everything than I'd planned, some things were strangely underwhelming because I'd built them up to be a certain way or when we got there we couldn't do them because they were broken or closed, and it was a mixed bag of emotions and experiences in the end.

HOWEVER, I did have lots of fun in a lot of places (seeing my new nephew, our dinner at the Crystal Palace with Pooh, Tigger, Piglet and Eeyore, Zoey's reactions to all the characters, the various fireworks shows) so that's what counts.

Things of interested I missed on the f-list, link 'em here in a comment, as I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to skip back a few f-list pages to catch up on everything.

vacation!

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 05:05:06 GMT

Off to visit my sister and her family in Florida and see Disney for the first time in my life. While I might read the f-list a bit while I'm gone, my commenting will likely be nonexistent, so see everyone Tuesday!

(and if you're following me on Twitter, you'll likely see Disney talk there!)

fever and SPN;

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 08:11:55 GMT

I had a sore throat and cough this morning, but NOW I'm achey (but not dizzy, thank God), I can't sleep and, lo and behold, I have a fever nearing 101. I don't think it's called irony when you go to a hospital for days in a row and then end up sick. Gah, if this means I can't visit my mom tomorrow (err, today) I'll be so cranky.

However, this week's SPN finally went online, so now I've watched it with dani_forever.

I LOVE THAT JOHN DROVE THEM TO SCHOOL BUT THEY DIDN'T SHOW HIM SO WE COULD PRETEND IT WAS JDM. Good play!

All right, three schools in one year is honestly not as bad as I feared it would be. I really expected them to say they'd been to one a month or something. Still supporting that John tried to give them an education and make their stay as long as he could when he could, like the soccer trophy suggested.

SWEETHEART. SUGAR. DEAN IS SO HIS FATHER.

Sammy defending that kid. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

THE SHORTS OF SEX. Guh. AND AHAHA the whistle line, still hysterical. (and omg now that Adam Sandler Lunchlady Land song is in my head! SLOPPY JOE, SLOP SLOPPY JOE.)

afl;ksdfj;sldk food processor.

Sam is actually kind of working the janitor look and maaaan, Dean looks good in a jogging suit but BWAHAHAHA scoping out the legal cheerleaders. YOU'RE THIRTY. THIRTY AND SCOPING OUT (legal) TEENAGE CHEERLEADERS. (and totally dying about this for reasons entirely unrelated to the show.) Such a lech and a perv, Such. A. Perv. I call more 'Dean is not quite right' clues, but this time it's subtle and fits in with the episode.

Aww, Sam. Sam omg. This is so sad.

Wow, ickle!Sam is such a sweetheart. OMG.

Oh God, the judgement in the eyes of that blonde girl because his life is not normal. I predict this is going to end badly.

AHAHAAH BABY!SAM. The only one who doesn't think Dean's cool. It's hysterical

OUCH. That punch.

Gah. That car ride of sad. Sam, stop blaming yourselllllf.

I love overprotective Dean so much. And look, baby!bitchface! Sam, you're such an adorable sulker.

"No one's ever asked me that before." JESUS. *CRIES* And dude, I'm loving this teacher. I really hope he'll go talk to - YES HE WILL!

WHOA WTF??!?!?! NOT THE SAMMY.

Dean, omg, not the alcohol, stop with the alcohol baindaids. However, HEE, I love these little touches. Dean's reused threat, Sam and baby!Sam's hair move.

"that's super." I lulzed, for my own private amusement which has nothing to do with the show.

I love how ballzy baby!Sam is - WHOA KICK ASS. ... Dirk the Jerk. OMG despite the kid being an ass, SAM HELPED MAKE THE GHOST, DIDN'T HE?

OMG that kid. Always another side. Still a bully, still nuts, but omg.

Dean, you're so insensitive!

Aww, Sam. Good speech! HOORAY FOR FINALLY INTEGRATING SAM'S STRUGGLES IN AN EPISODE THIS SEASON. ... OKAY, not the FACEEEEE.

Oh Dean, you little porn star, you need slapped. But OUCH. BITCH. I called this! Okay, that just broke my heart. Just because there's truth doesn't mean she should have said it right there - all right, fine, he was an ass. BUT STILL, GAH. Wounded teenage girls are the most dangerous thing on the planet. AHOY FUTURE INSECURITY ISSUES, I swear. This teenager, Cassie, Lisa and her liiiiies. Wow.

And the Sam and the teacher stuff and THAT QUESTION. Excuse me, need a tissue.

----------

Oh my God, that was everything I'd hoped for and more. I love flashbacks, I love happy with my sad, I love when they don't ruin the characters. THANK YOU FOR THERE BEING NO JOHN BASHING. I was so afraid this would flesh John out badly, but it really did stick to the key points they'd used throughout the series.

Excellent play with the epsiode leaning toward Sam-centric, but adding relevant bits in about Dean's half of this. DEAR KRIPKE, this is how you should have done the first half to the season when it was very Dean-centric.

I think I'm going to watch this again. And again.

dear world;

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 05:07:34 GMT

I do not have the patience for any of this right now, I really, really do not.

My mother in the hospital for days after surgery to remove a tumor, now with bonus fever that no one can fucking explain >>>>>>>>>>>>> everything else. If there is someone out there in the world who doesn't like that, they can jolly well suck it as far as I'm concerned at this point.

I'm not in a mood to be happy or playful or make everyone else's problems better because I'm pretty damn well terrified that this fever is going to turn into something much greater because someone, somewhere, didn't do their job right. I don't want to lose my mother and dammit, I need some consideration of how I feel, some honest to God support. Maybe that's selfish, but if the rest of the world can be so damn selfish sometimes, I figure I'm about due.

I'll cope how I want to cope. If that means I don't want to do X or I want to do Y, I'm going to and people can like it or not. If they don't like it, I don't want to fucking hear about it.